not okay

Every time I see a story like this one, another kid or grownup or in-between human headed to seminary, I stop and get all teary and think, “god, I hope he’s gonna be okay.” Then I really want to cry because I know he won’t be. There is no way you can go through seminary and be okay. You may be fabulous, reborn, ripped apart, completely disillusioned, buried by doubts or your own fear about your self-worth, and ultimately amazing and shiny and shaking all at once, but you will not, I promise, you will not be okay. As I’m writing this I’m trying to prove myself wrong, find the exception to the rule, discover in my story banks the one about the Okay Seminarian, but it isn’t there because it doesn’t exist because it can’t happen. Even if you believe enough to show up and then decide it isn’t for you, you will have been changed, doors opened that cannot be closed again. Seminary is like technical theatre, like seeing backstage where the magical people are not magical but just like you, pulling strings and levers to let everyone into themselves a little more. We don’t lie in church any more than we lie in theatre—what we do is give you a vision of a reality that has never been, but could be, for better or for worse. Then we give you some tools, a little window of possibility. The rest is up to you.